Oh man.  It's raining today after many days of brutal heat.  I know that many of my Oregonian brothers and sisters are groaning in disappointment because we don't get much sun in general... so in the summer we expect SUN for the duration.  But god how I love the fall and this reminds me so much of it.  Waking to that muffled darkness, the sound of rain and cars driving through it - like hot oil on a griddle sizzling at a distance.  The smell of rotting things muddled with must and rain jackets and wet dogs.  The cool air on my skin.

Oh beautiful things to come.  Thank you rain.

Eric

I think I'd like to connect with extremely conservative Christians.  I've had many conversations with these folks and began to see their hearts but I still couldn't quite understand much of what they have to say.  I believe that heartfelt understanding is the first step to beginning a conversation that might ultimately change the hearts of all involved - so I'm going to keep working on that.

My own realization about how serious I've become about life.  I learned that it's going to be 100 degrees today in normally mild Portland, OR and quickly set about securing the house, watering plants, etc... I was getting really tense!  But then I stopped and just started laughing because it's a golden opportunity to just enjoy the day - get out and soak in some sun and then come back home and hunker down with a cool drink and my girlfriend! 

By focusing on changing the world today instead of focusing on changing the world tomorrow or worrying about how I didn't change the world the way I would have liked yesterday.

Eric
http://www.deepesthealth.com

When you are with another person, take every chance you can to really look them in the eyes.  Drink them in.  When I do this, I understand life.

This is a tough one - it's hard for me as part of the vehement opposition to the war in Iraq to come to a deep and nuanced understanding of my relationship to this country (the United States).  Here's what it comes down to...  I love this land I stand on.  It's in my blood.  I love the people I live around, even those who drive me nuts.  I continue to have great hope that this nation will find its heart again and move forward with compassion.  That's it.

On the bad days, I need to be reminded to put my pants on, to breathe, to eat regular meals, to get out of bed...  On the better days?  I need to reminded to follow my bliss, to call my mother, to do my practice, to be thankful for every moment I live.  Even on the great days I need reminding - but mostly only that, "This, too, shall pass."

You know, it's incredibly difficult for me to take time off.  My partner and I went (alone!  sans dependents!) to the always amazing Oregon Coast for TWO WHOLE NIGHTS.  It was great.  Check this photo:

That's the coast I love.  We took the slow route at first because, hey, we had the time.  We went from Portland and all the way down the coast to Newport.  It was a beautiful drive.  What was especially great was that we were both in the headspace where we didn't have any intense feelings about doing things one way or another.  Do you know what I mean?  It's like you don't really care if you do this or that, don't really care if you get to one particular place in any amount of time.  You're just happy to be where you are doing what you're doing - no matter what it is.  THAT is flow .  Even though it doesn't have the same kind of "peak experience" feeling that other situations have, it is an effortless feeling and one that feels absolutely sustainable in the way that peak experiences don't.

I came back to a full email box and plenty to do, but I feel totally ready to take it all on. 

Sweet.

Eric

To a future full of love, consciousness and innovative solutions to common problems.  To a place of health, hope and humor!  I know I'm headed there because I see it reflected in all the faces around me, in all the messages on Zaadz and in my dreams every night!!!

By the way?  I'm unreasonably happy with my life.  I left my parents' grasp when I was about 16 and until my daughter was born (when I was 20) things have been pretty rocky.  Various addictive type problems, lots of trouble settling my mind on any particular thing, working through various psychological trip-ups... it's not been smooth sailing.  When I turned I guess around 25, things started to improve dramatically.  Why?

Because I stopped letting myself think that I have all the time in the world to become the person I want to be.  I have THINGS TO DO.  I can do good in this world - lots of it.  The most selfish possible thing I can imagine is letting myself drown in my own inability to get over myself.  My father was a dick - so what?  People have variously abused, looked down on, oppressed and despised me - so what?  I'm over it.  Really.  I'm blessed with the ability to just absolutely be over things - rapidly.  I observe them, I consider them, I dwell on them for a bit, and then I forget them.  In-n-out.  Get your mind out of the gutter.

I stopped abdicating responsibility.  I stopped letting my emotional state have primacy over my spirit.  I started listening to God - even before I called it God.  I started taking very seriously the prospect that I am being guided through this life by something (internal, external, eternal, whatever) and started listening to that guidance.

I also stopped drinking, stopped eating and drinking things that were bad for me, and started loving my neighbor as myself.  It was all remarkably freaking easy.  Why?  Because I let it be. 

So, my advice to you?

Get out of your way.  You're trying to get things done here.  And if you don't think it's that easy, you're kidding yourself. 

Get.  out.  of.  your.  way.

How does that work?  Like this.  Take something you're struggling with.  My most recent?  Drinking (stopped November 2006 cold turkey without looking back).  So, take drinking.  Alcohol is fun.  Lots of people drink (especially my friends).  Drinking is a socially acceptable way to act like an idiot.  Along with, like, football and politics.  Alcohol is advertised all over the place, it's really hard to avoid.  If you're in a group of people like I was, it's also hard to avoid because people you really like use it for just about everything.  I also have a long long history of addiction issues, although I've always managed to avoid disaster (though I did not avoid jail, homelessness and general stupidity).  I also have a family history of alcoholism - on both sides, way back.  So, not an easy one - right? 

WRONG.  What did it take?  Deciding that I wanted to be the best person I want to be and that alcohol was preventing that.  Why was it?  Because it costs money, because it participates in causing me to do things that I wouldn't otherwise do, because it dampens down the voice of God, because it hurts my body, because no matter what any of us like to think it does, does, does negatively impact our ability to reason... the list goes on.  It wasn't good for me, it was preventing my easy access to God, to my family, to myself, to my body.  I knew that.  But the crucial bit was saying to myself, "Hey - you're actually just a whole lot better than this."

And so I am.  So it changed.  That's just one example.  It doesn't mean I'm perfect - far from it.  It doesn't mean I don't struggle.  But the struggle is ACTIVE.  I look my problems in the face, I look beyond them to the person I will be when I overcome them, and I fight.  I'm stronger for it, and happier for it.

Ain't that swell?

e